Wednesday, January 31, 2007

LLL aplication - About You ver 1

I didn't realize how much work the La Leche League application process took. I just said yes. Now, I find that there's a whole essay to write. And it includes why I said yes.

I'm not sure, really, so some of this will be meandering thought while I try to figure out the why's and wherefores.

I was very small when I remember my mom attending LLL meetings. I even remember going to a conference with her. She met one of her best friends thru the meetings, who has a daughter who is a good friend of mine. But she was never a leader.

One of my very earliest memories is of sitting by my mother, watching my baby brother as he nursed. He was about 6 months old, and I was about two years old. I had been weaned by then, I think.

I have two sisters, as well. One is seven years younger than I, and the other is 17 years younger. They were both nursed, for an extended period of time.

I suppose I had a fairly normal childhood. We lived in the country, went to school, et cetera, et cetera. After sixth grade, however, my parents decided to homeschool. My brother and I, and later our sisters, were taught at home by mother. I really liked it, mostly because I had been bored at school. At home, I was able to study the things I liked, and study them as quickly as I liked.

I finished high school, and went off to college. Eventually, I graduated with a degree in biology. Eventually includes a wide variety of part time jobs, for example, hostess at an Italian restaurant, veterinary technician, office assistant.

What I had wanted to do, was become a veterinarian. I attended a veterinary school for two years, almost three, and found out that I couldn't do it. Memorization is very difficult for me, and a veterinarian needs to memorize a huge amount of drug information and animals facts. It was extremely hard for me; knowing that I had failed at my dream.

At the same time, my mom had been diagnosed with advanced breast cancer. She told me one weekend when I came home for a visit.

I had met a wonderful man while I was in veterinary school. He stayed with me after I had to leave veterinary school, and was very supportive and caring. I loved him already, but he was, well, wonderful! And I still think he is. In 2003, we were married. My mother did not survive to see us married, but I think she still blesses us.

In 2004, I started graduate school. I was working toward a doctorate in microbiology. I liked being back in school, taking classes in subjects I'm very interested in, but I found that I was having a problem taking tests. I'd never had anything like that happen before. I would have anxiety attacks during the tests! I did find a solution: chocolate. Nibbling on chocolate during the tests allowed me to calm down. I also found that I really liked teaching. As a graduate student, I taught as an assitant several beginning-level biology classes. I enjoyed explaining to the students, and I love the 'a-ha!' moment when they actually get it.

At Christmas 2004, I had been pregnant for about a month. I had told my husband, but I didn't want to tell anyone else yet. I had just started thinking about how I would handle classes and being pregant. Unfortunately, I lost that baby. Right after Christmas I had a miscarriage. Sometimes I wonder what that little one would have been like.

Later in the spring sememster, 2005, I became pregnant again. I missed a few days of class, because I felt miserably sick, and whether it was the baby, or that I had the flu, I don't know. During the rest of the semester, I felt nausous all the time. The only time I didn't was when I was eating, so I was nibbling at something whenever I was awake. I was also very tired. Attending classes meant that I was driving two hours a day, and sometimes I almost fell asleep on the way home. I had to rethink what I was going to do after the baby came. If I was this tired now, I didn't see any way that I would be able to manage when I was seven months pregnant. And, I knew that I didn't want to be apart from my baby after he was born. My husband and I decided that it would be the best thing if I did not continue classes. So, I don't have a doctorate degree. But I do have a absolutely perfect baby boy. Jaiden was born in September.

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